Common Misconceptions About Introverts – No 1 All Introverts Are Shy

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”Aaw.. look at you, so shy, You’ll come out of your shell one day. ” 

”I beg your pardon? But I won’t! Why? Because I am not IN the shell, not at all!”

While some of the introverts are shy (so what?) many of us indeed, are not.

Just the fact that I don’t feel the need to start a conversation with the first human being, that comes across my way at the social gathering, it doesn’t mean I am shy. Introverts don’t start the small talk. It is boring and drains our energy. 

   It always happens to me! People, who don’t know me personally, perceive me as an exceptionally quiet and shy person. Very little, chosen few, know the real me, happy and chatty person, as I am. Well… as long as we talk about something meaningful. I so don’t care about what you had for dinner on Sunday, and how you made it… Sorry, don’t mean to be rude, but still, please just don’t bother.

   I remember one awkward situation, on a work related social gathering. It was an evening  + music + drinks kind of thing, with all employees of the entire company, I just started working with. I knew virtually nobody! They had a very strong policy about socializing and everybody was ‘friends’ with everyone in the company.  As I was sitting by myself, enjoying the music, my ‘awkward, unacceptable behaviour’ could not go unnoticed (you can’t sit by yourself). Very soon, the people were approaching me with the phrase such as: ‘I hear that you are so and so, I am also’…. being sent to speak to me on account of  ‘Ah, she has a white spot on her dress too, you should definitely speak to her.

  My natural reaction to fake ‘small talk questions’ is yes/no or one word answer with no questions from my side. Sooner it’s over the better. And again, it doesn’t mean I am shy. In case you wonder how this ended…the next day early in the morning I was asked what was wrong with me last night and told:’We take a great pride in all our colleagues being one big family  and…’ 

  Since I needed the job, I wrote an email, stating that I was an introvert and what that means. Also, I explained that it doesn’t affect my work and so on… They were understanding and let me keep my job…

What are your experiences? Are you a shy introvert? How do you deal with small talk situations on social gatherings. Feel free to share your thoughts and Thanks for stopping by.

Common Misconceptions about introverts: No 2 Introverts are antisocial 

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My idea of a perfect home (Most of the time)

Being an Introvert, does not automatically mean being antisocial. We also like spending time with other people, socializing, just on other terms: in a small group of close friends or family on a quiet place, where we can relax.

Just because we don’t feel like chatting with a first total stranger next to us, what we think about the food we are just eating, on the social gathering, IT DOES NOT MAKE US ANTISOCIAL. It just means we don’t like talking for the sake of talking.

 

For me personally, small talk is a meaningless exchange of words, with no purpose or importance, just for the sake of making a conversation. 

‘Arya alright?’

‘Fine thanks, you?’

‘Yea, great, thanks’

‘Great party.’

‘Yes indeed, great party. Especially the food.’

‘Oh yea. You’re right. The food is amazing. Especially those….what are they called…..?’

(I’ve got the headache just by writing this conversation).

If you are a foodie and love small talk, please don’t be offended, it is so cool and you are amazing. Just, us Introverts simply don’t like it, accept that, PLEASE.  If you talk to us about something meaningful, we will be very happy to share our thoughts and ideas (we have plenty of that).

Another thing that puts me off in a social situation is noise. Lots and lots of noise is surrounding us on a daily basis. I don’t know how my other fellow-introverts feel about this, but for me personally, being in a room with thirty people who are talking at the same time, means hearing thirty voices in my head, while trying to single out that one, telling me about the weather.

Although we love spending hours and hours in the nature, or in our homes, we simply need this, same as you need to have an interaction with other people in order to recharge your energy. 

In other words being an introvert is like being born with ten tokens, while everyone else has a thousand. When we talk, we give our tokens and get nothing in return, while you exchange your tokens with other people. When on a low level of tokens, we HAVE TO take a break and renew our energy, being by ourselves, so we can give tokens again. We love giving tokens; we just have so little. That doesn’t make us antisocial, just very careful with our limited resources. 

Thanks for stopping by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear of unknown/different (Things that hold us back)

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How many times we just settle in, for a life we did not wish for, just because we are afraid  of uncertainty of change? Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence.

Somehow we forget who we were as children and what we were dreaming of.

When we start telling ourselves how lucky we are to be where we are now, while feeling deeply unhappy, it is a sign, that the time has come for a change.

If you are unhappy, remember: there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is a road ahead.

All big things started with a first step.

 

 

 

After-work life

pexels-photo-356830.jpegDo you believe in life after work?

You mean….. the After-work life?

“Some say it exists, but I don’t believe there is anything after you finish working,” said the Atheist.

“After work, you get rewarded if you have worked honestly. You go to Heaven for eternity,” said Christian.

“After you finish working, you have some time to reflect on your work, and then come back to work again. When finished, you reflect again….and so on, until you do your work perfectly well.” said Buddhist.

Do you believe in life after work??? 🤔😄

 

 

Arts and introverted personality traits. Am I an Introvert???

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One of my plants (Meant to be a lucky clover).

If you are an artist of any kind, whether it is  photography, music, painting or writing, that means you are spending hours and hours of your free time practicing, writing, painting (or whatever that it is you do), by yourself and mostly in the company of  nobody else but yourself (maybe your cat, or another pet – I have plants). Also, that means that you, most likely, have an Introverted type of personality.

I am not saying that just being an artist makes you an introvert, it takes a little bit more than that. But if you are unsure, here is a simple TEST. It is not  very scientific, but besides a bit fun, it hits some basic points about introverted/extroverted personality traits. Of course, my result was a STRONG INTROVERT, which I am, indeed.   Feel free to write your results in the comment. 

       ”Each person seems to be energized more by either the external world     (extraversion) or the internal world (introversion).” Jung (1921)

Some more information about Introverted/Extroverted Personality traits

  • What makes you feel energized?

    If you are an EXTROVERT, you love spending time out and about, in the crowd of people and with large network of friends. You feel energized after interacting with other people. Small talk is something that comes naturally and when in a room with another person, known or unknown, you will seek for an opportunity to speak to them. Spending your free time alone, or completing a task on your own is boring and tiring for you.

If you are an INTROVERT, you absolutely love spending time by yourself or with a very small group of close friends in a quiet home-like environment. You feel energized when spending time on your own, doing what you like. Small talk is absolutely dreadful for you (I absolutely hate small talk), however talking about something meaningful is fine. When in a room full of people, you will not start a conversation, but rather be in the corner with your phone, looking for an opportunity to leave.

  • How do you deal with problems?

If you are an EXTROVERT, you will  seek other people for comfort and advice. It comes naturally for you to share with other people how you feel and  what you think. It is hard for you to stay alone with your thoughts and emotions and introspection is not really your thing.

If you are an INTROVERT, you will suffer or contemplate about your problem in    silence, far from another human being. It is very hard for you to tell other people what is bothering you and how you are feeling. You are often engaged with your   inner thoughts and introspection is a natural occurrence in your daily life.

  • What is your preferred method of communication?

As an EXTROVERT, you love spending time talking to people in person, but also often make long, long phone calls. You will rather speak to people than write an email.

As an INTROVERT,  your preferred method of communication is email or texting. You absolutely hate long phone calls or talking to people you don’t know, especially if you need to talk about yourself.

  • How do you come up with ideas?

If you are an EXTROVERT, you will speak as you think. In the matter of fact, you come up with ideas as you communicate with other people. Others inspire you, and you love working as a part of the group. If left alone, it is hard for you to concentrate and find new ideas. You are an excellent member of the team.

If you are an INTROVERT, getting ideas out of your rich inner world is no problem at all, BUT you need some time to think before you can verbalize it. In this fast-paced modern world it often means that by the time you are ready to propose your grand idea, the topic of the conversation had already finished. Loud noise and other people are rather blocking you and you are at your best when left alone to complete your task.

 

These were just some basic information on this topic. I am very curious to hear your thoughts on this. Are you an introvert too? If YES how do you cope with this noisy, extroverted world we live in??  I will write about that in my next post.

Thanks for stopping by…